


Armour, Warpaint and the Lies We Tell

by CurvedYellowFruit, DeyaAmaya, ttamiao



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Biphobia, Bisexual Character, Coming Out, Don't copy to another site, F/F, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Past Character Death, Post-Canon, Secret Relationship, Self-Doubt, Slow Burn, girlfriends in love, internalised biphobia, lgbtqia+ solidarity, more like amble-burn, moving on after the death of a partner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2020-10-28 02:09:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20770799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurvedYellowFruit/pseuds/CurvedYellowFruit, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeyaAmaya/pseuds/DeyaAmaya, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttamiao/pseuds/ttamiao
Summary: A slow-burn (-ish) exploration of how the Renison relationship develops from friends to lovers post-canon, how they each come out (to each other and to the Foxes), and how they put aside all their baggage to negotiate a healthy relationship together.Excerpt:“Your chances?”Renee was looking right back at her, and Allison realised with a start that she was also giving her a once-over.There might be a slight possibility,she conceded,that Renee was not entirely straight.Hope fluttered in her chest, against her better judgment.“Mmhmm. My chances. Of getting you out on the dancefloor. With me.”Allison couldn’t stop the grin that spread across her entire face; she didn’t care who saw it.“Are you asking me to dance with you, Renee?”“Are you saying yes?”





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fuzzballsheltiepants](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuzzballsheltiepants/gifts).

> My first BigBang, and the most substantial piece of creative writing I've done, possibly, ever. I'm very excited to finally share this fic with you - it has been a labour of love over the last six months.
> 
> I'd like to shout-out my amazing co-creators, DeyaAmaya and Ttamiao, who have created some simply stunning art to accompany this fic. It will be posted as the relevant chapters come up, and I can't wait for you all to see it. Please be sure to give them some love on their Tumblrs or in the comments. Also a HUGE thank you to Gluupor who was kind enough to beta read the fic for me, and helped me work through some gnarly dialogue trouble and exposition rabbitholes.
> 
> An enormous thank you must go out to Niko and Bela, for doing such a wonderful job in running the AFTGBigBang2k19. They have had a mammoth task in wrangling all of us creators into line, but they have pulled it off in a relaxed, fun and stress-free environment. So thank you both very much for all the support!
> 
> Finally, a big hat-tip to Fuzzballsheltiepants, who not only introduced me to the AFTG fandom in the first place, but also helped me find the courage to actually sign up to this BigBang. Thanks for brainstorming fic ideas with me and being kind enough to read my very rough early drafts. This one's for you!
> 
> Some housekeeping: this fic will be 12 chapters, plus a short epilogue. I will try to keep to a twice-weekly posting schedule (probably Wednesdays and Sundays, Australian time). Come yell at me on Tumblr @CurvedYellowFruit if you like.

Allison Reynolds had always known she liked girls. 

She found herself pondering this for no good fucking reason as she locked her dormitory behind her and stepped out of Fox tower, blinking against the sunlight while she pulled out her sunglasses. They were a new pair, still unavailable in most stores. Wearing them gave Allison a thrill. Dan would roll her eyes for sure, but Allison _liked_ the extra little boost of confidence the stupid accessories gave her, and she wouldn’t back down from a single harmless fucking thing that brought her pleasure. 

Not when what she really wanted was something she could never have. 

Allison strode out down the green and along Perimeter Road, heading vaguely in the direction of her English class. She walked with purpose. She always walked with purpose, because anything else was a waste of her fucking time. Right now, her purpose was to acquire the strongest cup of coffee she could get her hands on this side of campus. It was a Tuesday morning, the first day of Fall semester in her fifth year at the orange shithole that was Palmetto State University. Her _final _year. For some inane reason that she did not particularly care to analyse any deeper, this simple fact bothered her. If she were honest with herself, it bothered her a whole fucking lot. 

Allison scowled and clacked her heels a little harder against the footpath, taking no small amount of pleasure from the way that tiny freshmen scattered out of her way. Allison had a terrible suspicion that if she dared to scratch even a little under the surface of that thought, she would find things that looked an awful lot like ultimatums. “Now or never!”. “Last chance!”. “Act now or regret it forever!”. As she handed over her change at the coffee cart with a suggestive wink that made her server visibly flinch, Allison attempted to viciously shove those thoughts back down into the dark abyss that was her heart - where they fucking belonged. 

Apparently, intrusive thoughts were like whack-a-moles. No sooner had she buried one problem then another came to yell in her face. 

Yes, she had always known that she liked girls. Thankfully, no one else did. Or would. 

At least, no one who counted knew. Her worthless parents had lost the right to register in her universe when their biphobic asses had disinherited her and kicked her out of their family home in her senior year of high school. 

That was the first and only time she tried to come out. 

As far as Coach Wymack and the rest of the Foxes were concerned, her parents’ objections began and ended with her ‘rebellious’ desire to play Exy. When she had time to consider it, Allison often felt offended that her teammates were so ready to believe that her problems were that basic. “Heiress rebels via contact sport” sounded inconsequential, even to her. Most of the time, though, Allison just felt a cowardly relief. Relief that she didn’t have to reveal that part of herself. Not to them. Not to anyone. 

So Allison put up her barriers, one by one. Seth Gordon had been a convenient shield. A distraction. Something for the world to look at, so they wouldn’t look too closely at _her_. Fighting with Seth had always been just as satisfying as their lovemaking. And their sex had been _good_. Until he had up and DIED on her, the bastard. She still had not quite forgiven him for getting himself killed last year. She hadn’t forgiven herself, either. She was fucking furious that she had allowed herself to get so attached to another person. For his loss to still haunt her. For allowing guilt over her role in his death to stalk her even now. 

Still fuming as she rounded a blind corner past the science building, Allison caught herself a moment before she walked into the nearest rubbish bin. She paused for a small, awkward moment, and then she tossed her near-empty coffee cup as though that had always been her intention. Veering back onto the main path, Allison adjusted the angle of her back to maximise her dignity and fixed a haughty expression onto her face, glaring daggers at the only two people nearby and daring them to say something. Neither did. 

Allison was proud of her barriers. They served her well. She liked hiding behind her veneer of catty shallowness, preferring it as source of scorn from people because it was under her control. It was better - a million times better - than the fucking inevitable judgment for something she could never help. So Allison dressed in her armour and warpaint every morning and went out to face the world. 

She knew what was said about her. Behind her back. To her face. To her breasts. 

As she slid into her seat in the lecture hall, Allison allowed herself to acknowledge that she was alone. Desperately alone in a sea of people. She was drowning in this stupid misogynistic sport, yet she only clung harder to Exy, like its male-dominated nature was a fucking life vest. And maybe it was. Most of the time, she was so busy fighting all the men-children around her that she could forget all about other girls, and how cute they often were. 

Most of the time. 

And then... there was Renee. 

* * *

Renee met her after class. Of course she did. She had a knack for knowing exactly when Allison could least afford to be around her, then showing up anyway just to spite her. 

Well, okay. Allison could admit that spite was well outside the orbit of things that drove Renee Walker. 

“Hey,” Renee had said, softly, with no artistry or violence. Allison didn’t know how to deal with someone who could be gentle for its own sake. 

“Hey,” Renee had said, “I’ve got a free period. Come have lunch with me.” 

So Allison had. Just like that. She had never had any fucking choice about it. 

They ambled along the path to the athlete’s cafeteria, and Allison chafed at Renee’s slow pace. She resented the extra time it allowed for unwelcome thoughts to flit through her mind. Intrusive thoughts, like “What if I just grabbed her hand right now?”, which lit a fire within that dark abyss that Allison stamped down fiercely. Hand-holding was SO far off the table that Allison wanted to kick her own ass for even considering the idea. 

The sound of a phone vibrating provided a welcome distraction. Allison listened with interest as Renee answered on the second ring, making no effort to lower her voice. 

“Hello, Jean.” 

Allison’s stomach bottomed out. 

She hadn’t realised that Renee was still in contact with that grumpy, traumatised bastard. 

“It’s so lovely to hear your voice.” 

Allison felt her scowl from earlier returning. Somehow - for no good fucking reason, she realised now - she had hoped that Renee’s Christian charity would have been sated by orchestrating Jean’s rescue and transfer. Assumed (incorrectly) that, job done, innocent saved, Renee’s interest would fade. Apparently not. Which led Allison to the most important question: why the fuck not? 

“I’m so glad - I was a little worried you would have trouble getting settled. No - yes. I did ask Jeremy to keep a close eye on you, so that’s probably my fault.” 

Allison kicked out at the nearest object and felt her foot connect with the solid brick wall of the athlete’s cafeteria. 

“Fuck!” 

Renee turned to gape at her, but Allison was busy reciting every curse word she knew while picturing the look on Coach’s face if Abby diagnosed her with a broken toe three days before the opening Exy game of the season. 

Fuelled by an irrational anger, Allison limped haughtily into the building, not bothering to wait for Renee. It made no difference. She caught the end of a hurried goodbye before Renee was suddenly by her side, arm slung casually around her shoulder, chirping merrily in Allison’s ear while subtly helping to take her weight off her bad foot. 

God. How was she meant to _deal _with this? 

Allison had no sooner rested her behind on the nearest empty chair in the cafeteria than Renee was off again, floating off to the serving station with two very conspicuous trays in hand, fixing Allison with a firm look that was clearly an order to ‘stay put’. Allison sighed. 

Renee was completely impossible. An enigma. 

Her influence had crept in slowly, undermining Allison’s defences one by one. Allison had tried to repress it for as long as she could. Was still trying to repress it. But it was completely fucking unfair for her to be having these kinds of feelings about Renee at the same moment that Renee herself was clearly still fixated on Moreau. 

Allison watched as Renee piled an extra slice of cheesecake onto one of the trays, deliberately maintaining eye contact with Allison as she did so. Allison felt her mouth go dry a moment before Renee winked in her direction then turned away to continue down the line. 

It definitely didn’t help that Renee was so damn _nice_. How the hell was a closeted bisexual supposed to work out the difference between normal help from a friend and female flirtation? 

It was infuriating. Renee could not be ignored, or overcome. She could only be endured. 

Allison was in so much fucking trouble. 


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beautiful art in this chapter is by DeyaAmaya

Wymack’s reaction to Allison’s limp had been boringly predictable. A whole lot of bluster and empty threats about benching her for half the season and then signing her up for marathons for the second half. He moved on fairly quickly once Abby reassured him Allison’s bruised big toe would be fully healed by Friday night. Apparently her ‘injury’ was so minor that she didn’t even need to sit out today’s practice. Allison rolled her eyes when Abby pronounced her fit and hopped down off the examination bench, making a beeline for the change room. 

Exy was something that Allison genuinely enjoyed, but today more than usual she was looking forward to a decent workout. Maybe a healthy amount of sweat and sore muscles could salvage her thoughts from the bleak fucking abyss they had dived into this morning. A few extra hard tackles or stick checks sounded pretty fucking appealing at that moment, too. Maybe she could provoke one of the boys into starting a fight with her. Kevin seemed like a good option. 

The change room was empty by the time she got there, the rest of the team already out on the court warming up. Allison didn’t waste any time pulling on her gear, eager to join them. She spared only the briefest moment to check her hair in the mirror and touch up her lipstick. Satisfied that her armour was in place, she picked up her helmet and limp-jogged out into the inner ring, banging on the court door to warn the others of her presence, then rushing in to join the melee. 

The next hour passed in a blur of sprints, swinging racquets and dull pain throbbing from her big toe. She’d finally gotten exactly what she wanted about 10 minutes previously, when she had lunged at Kevin in a late, uncontrolled challenge. He had clattered to the ground, then bounced right back up and punched her in the gut, yelling all the while about dangerous fouls and unforgivable risk-taking. Allison had tuned out his words (and those of her teammates who were outraged by the turn of events), too busy savouring the delicious burn of her lungs as they tried to force air into her winded body. 

Unsurprisingly, Wymack called a drinks break, with a look in his eyes that promised Allison they would have _words_ later. Relieved that he wasn’t going to chew her out right then and there, she just nodded and limped off the court with as much dignity as she could muster (an exercise in self-control, considering she was still wheezing). 

Now, she sat on the bench nearest the court door, sipping her water bottle and nursing her various aches and pains. She had deliberately avoided Renee’s gaze when she stormed off earlier, but now Allison felt free to watch her. 

She was with Andrew and Neil some distance away, part-way through one of their usual slow laps. The overhead light caught on the silver cross around Renee’s neck, illuminating the bright colours in her hair. For a moment, she seemed to glow. Allison just stared. It really was unfair just how good Renee managed to look in her training gear. 

Renee must have some kind of weird sixth sense, because she glanced up and made eye contact with Allison. She felt naked under her gaze, exposed in a way that made her fidgety and uncomfortable. She found herself overthinking everything that had happened that day. 

Oh, fuck. 

She had totally overreacted when Renee was on the phone to Moreau. Not that a bit of dramatics were out of character for her, but seriously, Renee must think she was totally crazy. 

The trio were now on the return leg of their circuitous lap, and while Renee was still engaged in conversation with the two midgets (honestly, what did the three of them even talk about?), her eyes continued to flick back to Allison. Fuck. Renee was absolutely going to come talk to her. She was suddenly sure of it. 

Allison busied herself with untying her shoe so she could massage her sore toe, deliberately keeping her gaze lowered as she did so. The next time she snuck a glance upwards, she visibly paled. Renee was excusing herself to Andrew and Neil as they went past, and jogging over to where Allison was sitting, plonking herself unceremoniously on the bench beside her. Allison tensed up. A nudge at her shoulder forced her to finally look up and meet Renee’s eyes. 

Those eyes. 

God. She could get lost in their depths. 

She had intended to scowl at Renee, but honestly, the second she saw Renee’s face she just couldn’t go through with it. It really was unfair what a soft mess she became around her. 

“Is it very sore?” Renee’s voice broke her out of her reverie. It took Allison a beat too long to realise Renee was talking about her foot. Or maybe her gut. She didn’t want to think any more about her own stupidity today so she made a quick decision to lean in to the other dumb decision she’d made recently. 

“What? Oh, nah. Not too bad. Bloody Kevin. He’s a maniac. Honestly, who responds to a foul with a punch? It was only a fucking scrimmage! I’m going to lay into him one of these days.” Allison tried to come off as a blend of righteous fury and her usual aloof self, above the minor irrelevancies of bruised toes and egos, but she didn’t think she quite struck the right balance. 

“You don’t quite… seem like yourself today, Alli. Are you thinking about… is it the anniversary?” 

Allison’s stomach did a cartwheel at the nickname, only to nose-dive back to earth. 

She thought about feigning ignorance. She considered outright lying. But this was Renee, and she had _remembered. _So Allison just… nodded, once, and dropped her gaze again. 

“Allison.” 

Reluctantly, she looked up, drawn to the certainty in Renee’s tone. Renee nodded as well, then drew her in for a hug. 

It was a little awkward, since they were both sitting down. Also, Allison’s gaydar was pinging, but she wanted to stomp on it with her strongest stilettos until it broke - or just gave her a _straight _answer on whether Renee hugged Jean like this, too. Allison couldn’t allow herself to relax, and Renee seemed to sense her discomfort after a moment. She drew back with a sad twist to her face, but in the next moment Allison was saved from having to explain herself. 

“Come on you brats! Back on the court!” 

Wymack’s faux-abuse had never sounded so sweet. 

Allison hurriedly shoved her sore foot back into her shoe and tied her laces, sparing Renee only the briefest glance before picking up her helmet and strutting gracefully for the court door. 

Even in her lowest moments, she could still remember to be glamorous. 

After all, that armour was sometimes all she had left. 


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is a little late, please enjoy the wonderful art by Ttamiao as compensation!

Abby had been right. Allison had basically forgotten all about the brick wall and her bruised toe from Tuesday by the time that Friday, August 24th rolled around, bringing with it their season opener. It seemed like a cruel joke from the fixture gods to immediately pit last season’s champion Foxes at home against JD Campbell University’s dead-last Tornadoes, but Allison wasn’t going to complain. A comfortable point gap meant they had been able to blood some of their freshmen rookies, and Allison herself had been responsible for setting up both Neil and Kevin with easy shots to slam home. 

Even better, late in the game, Allison made a diagonal run up mid-court, managing to lose her mark in the process. She passed the ball off to Neil and kept running, expecting him to score, but instead he waited until he had drawn both backliners towards him, then popped the ball right back to her, landing it almost _in _her racquet, the show-off. For a moment, Allison stood frozen. As a defensive dealer, she had never had possession of the ball so high up the court before. Next second, Kevin’s frantic shouts finally penetrated her mind and her focus snapped back. Knowing the pressure was off with the win already secured, Allison told herself, “Fuck it”, and lobbed the ball past the keeper as hard as she could. 

When the goal lit up red, she let herself scream until her throat was hoarse. 

Neil ran over and jumped into her arms, and they screamed and jumped about together like crazy people. Nobody tried to stop them. The buzzer to signal the end of the game must have sounded, because the next moment they were being swarmed by Foxes. Allison set Neil gently down and glanced around frantically for the only face she really wanted to see. Renee had been subbed off for the second half, and she could see her now with her face pressed up against the court walls, grinning and waving at Allison. Allison grinned fiercely back. It was going to be a _great_ night. 

* * *

The Monsters decided it was an Eden’s night. Nicky wanted to celebrate the start of a new semester; Kevin thought they should mark Allison’s milestone; but Andrew had declared that the freshmen needed to be vetted, and that was that. Whatever the excuse, Allison wasn’t going to complain - she was still riding high after the thrill of scoring her first ever goal, and celebrating with her Fox family and copious amounts of alcohol sounded pretty fucking excellent to her. 

Renee had ducked out earlier for a private word with Andrew. Allison wasn’t sure if they were deciding how to divide the freshmen up between them, or if Renee was simply reminding Andrew to ‘play nice’ and maybe even leave their knives at home. Either way, it meant that Allison and Dan had been left to their own devices to get all glammed up. It had been a while since the two of them had spent any quality time together, and Allison thought it was actually pretty damn nice, now that they were. 

They had both already showered, and Allison was currently dressed in an enormous pink fluffy bathrobe, embroidered with her initials, while she flicked through outfits in her wardrobe. Dan was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, similarly attired - Allison had bought all three of them a matching set of robes a few Christmases ago, and it still sent a weird thrill through her whenever she glimpsed Renee in hers. 

“Allison? Can you help me fix up my braids?” 

“Sure, what’s up?” 

“Ugh, this one right here, and - this one. They’ve just - ow! They’ve come a little loose.” 

Dan’s normally deep and steady timbre had turned a little shrill. 

“Okay. You’re panicking. Stop panicking. Come. Sit.” Allison pointed to the floor in front of the bed, and perched herself on the edge of the mattress. 

Dan obediently sat down in front of her, handing up the strong, fine-toothed comb that she used for her hair. Allison carefully started unpicking the nearest of the two braids that Dan had complained about. She worked in silence for a few minutes before Dan spoke up. 

“This is it, isn’t it?” 

“Huh?” 

“This year. This season. It’s our - last chance, or something.” 

Allison put down the comb and tried not to swallow audibly. Dan was voicing thoughts that were uncomfortably close to her own, which made Allison a little resentful. She had successfully quashed those earlier in the week. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Allison said scornfully. “Our lives are just getting started once we escape from this orange shithole. Last chance for what?” 

“I dunno… to work out - who we are, or some shit like that. To do whatever the hell it is we told ourselves we wanted to accomplish, back in freshman year.” 

“Shut the fuck up. You’ve already captained our team to finals, won the club championship, and met the love of your fucking life. What the _fuck _else could you possibly want to accomplish?” 

Dan looked sheepish. 

“Yeah, when you put it like that… I sound like a bit of a twat, don’t I?” 

Allison couldn’t help it, she let out a bark of laughter at the foreign-sounding phrase, feeling the tension leave her shoulders as she did so. She picked her comb back up and carefully began separating the strands for the braid. 

“You’ve been spending too much time around Neil,” she quipped. 

“No such thing!” Dan protested, but then she grew thoughtful again. “Don’t you have anything you wanted to achieve before we graduate?” 

Allison grew still, brain firing in all directions, then opted for playful. 

“Sure, but I scored a goal today! I’m done.” 

Dan twisted from where she sat on the ground to scowl up at her. 

“Be serious!” 

Allison was thankfully spared the indignity of thinking of another lie by Renee re-entering the dorm room. Dan was immediately distracted (so was Allison, but for very different reasons). 

“Did you and Minyard sort out the freshmen? I do NOT want to be ending my night in a hospital emergency room - or searching for a new player for the lineup - if he decides someone looks at Neil the wrong way.” 

Renee’s lip curled up in a wry smile, and Allison’s stomach flip-flopped uncomfortably in response. Fuck. She had to get a grip on herself. 

“Don’t worry about it, Captain. Andrew and I have an understanding.” 

“Hmph.” Dan sounded understandably sceptical. “Allison -” 

“Done!” Allison said triumphantly, derailing Dan’s attempt to return back to their earlier discussion. 

“Huh?” Dan twisted from her spot on the floor to look up at Allison. 

“Your braids! All fixed. Now you look almost as glamorous as me.” 

Dan scowled at Allison’s smirk and poked a pointed finger at her chest. 

“You watch yourself, Reynolds! I’m still your captain -” 

“Yeah, yeah…” 

“And I deserve your respect -” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“But… thank you. My hair does look great now.” 

Allison placed both hands on Dan’s shoulders and shoved her gently away so she could stand up. 

“Tell me something I didn’t already know.” 

Allison was already walking over to her wardrobe to choose an outfit. 

“But you’re welcome.” 

* * *

Eden’s that night was loud, and crowded, and Allison found herself struggling to relax. For some reason, she didn’t want to be here, with all these people. With her family. She definitely didn’t want to be fucking alone, either, though, so she stayed where she was, tucked up in a chair in a slightly less chaotic corner, guarding everyone’s drinks. Half the group was currently grinding their way to a good time on the dance floor, while the rest had peeled off in pursuit of activities that Allison neither knew nor cared about in the least. 

She found her thoughts spiralling back down into that dark place inside her that she had tried so hard to stamp out earlier in the week. 

Fucking Seth Gordon. Where did he get off? How dare he still haunt her, after all this time? It would be a year, on Sunday, since his death. A _year_. A year since she had kissed him for the last time. A year since she had seen his stupid face. A year since she had felt truly loved - or loveable. 

Allison wiped furiously at a stray patch of wetness that was developing in the corner of her eye. She would _not _fucking cry over him. She would not. She had a good life, with good people around her. Her Foxes were here. They just weren’t… _here. _Right now. With her. 

A touch on her shoulder jolted Allison out of her dark thoughts and back to the present. 

Renee. 

Why was it _always_ fucking Renee? 

“Allison? Everything okay?” 

[She stood there, in her black leather pants so tight they looked like a second fucking skin on her, and her cropped black sleeveless top that showed off her athlete’s midriff](https://www.outfittrends.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/all_Black.jpg). For some reason, the sight just infuriated Allison. 

“Everything’s perfect,” she snapped, unfolding herself aggressively from her chair. “I’m getting an Uber back to campus. Don’t try to follow me. I’ll see everyone when you get back to PSU.” 

“Allison -” 

“Just leave it alone, Renee.” Allison was already making quick strides towards the exit. 

“Just - be safe.” 

Allison did not pause or look back, telling herself she had imagined the regretful tone in Renee’s voice. She merely raised a hand in farewell and lost herself in the crowd. 


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for what could loosely be described as a panic attack but is really just an outpouring of grief and tears.

On Sunday, Allison woke up disgustingly early. It had been another restless night, filled with even more distressing dreams than those that had plagued her after she finally made it back from Columbia early on Saturday morning, but Allison was too wired to try to catch any more sleep. 

She sat up, tried to rub the tiredness out of her eyes, and was shocked to find her hands wet as they came away from her face. What the _fuck _kind of bullshit was this? She was crying in her _sleep _now? Over a _boy_? Allison was not about this kind of fuckery. 

She pulled herself out of bed, a quick glance enough to tell her that Renee and Dan had spent another night in Columbia. She was glad of the space, turning on all the lights and flicking aggressively through her wardrobe. She settled on sweatpants and running shoes, pausing for only a few minutes in the bathroom to make herself look somewhat presentable. A tight ponytail and some red lipstick, and she was ready. 

Charging out of her dorm, Allison nearly crashed headlong into Neil in the stairwell. She placed both hands on his shoulders to steady herself as she tried to recover her dignity. 

“Neil! What the hell are you doing here? Did you abandon Dan and Renee in Columbia?” 

Neil gave her a funny look. 

“The whole team came back yesterday before dinner. I guess the girls thought you might want some space after your dramatic departure from Eden’s. Dan bunked with Matt and Renee crashed with some of the freshmen.” 

Neil took advantage of Allison’s stunned silence to carefully peel her hands off his shoulders and turn back down the stairs. 

“Come on. We’re going for a run.” 

Allison just nodded mutely at Neil’s back and followed him down to Perimeter Road. They went through a few stretches and a quick warm-up routine together, before setting off at an easy jog through the university grounds. 

They had been running in silence for maybe 15 minutes before Allison broke. She had been full of tension since before she woke up, and now the rhythmic beat of her feet against the ground was shaking down all her defences. They rounded a corner onto a quiet stretch of road, and with her next footfall Allison felt a hot tear break from her eye and slide down her cheek. It was quickly followed by another, and another. Allison could barely see where she was placing her feet in front of her, let alone make out Neil’s face, but he was deliberately staring straight ahead and ignoring her anyway. In that moment, Allison couldn’t bring herself to care. 

The tears fell, relentlessly, an unceasing wave of grief. Allison continued to jog through it all, doing her best to focus on her breathing and ignore the awful certainty that Seth was never coming back. 

After a period of time that could have been five minutes or twenty, Allison found her face drying, and eased up her footsteps to a walking pace. Neil matched her actions, sliding a quick glance at her face as he slowed. 

“Just keep breathing. Try to start a count. In for four, hold for four, out for four. Breathe.” 

Allison opened her mouth to tell him he was being ridiculous and she knew how to breathe, thank you very much, but she realised she didn’t actually have enough air in her lungs to produce any sound. Shocked, she drew in a ragged breath and decided Neil’s advice might not be so dumb after all. 

“That’s it. In for four. Hold for four. Out for four.” 

She was torn between annoyance and gratitude, but she relaxed into the simplicity of listening to Neil’s voice as he repeated his instructions. 

“In for four. Hold for four. Out for four.” 

Allison breathed carefully. After a moment, she was thrilled to realise that she could draw in a full breath of air without spluttering or feeling like her chest would explode. 

“In for four. Hold for four. Out for four.” 

Another few cycles of this, and Allison felt much more like herself. She looked around and was surprised to see that they were no longer walking. Neil had pushed her onto a nearby bench and was crouched down in front of her, staring intently into her face. 

“In for four. Hold for four. Out for four.” 

Allison took in one last deep breath, then flicked Neil’s nose and giggled at his startled expression. 

“Thanks, Josten. Now get out of my fucking face.” 

Neil barked out a laugh and grinned fiercely at her. 

“Thank fuck, I was getting sick of staring at your mascara trails. You look like a bloody horror show.” 

Allison shoved him playfully away from her and got to her feet. She really did feel much better. Maybe all those tears were cleansing. Or healing. Or some shit like that. 

“So. You ready to tell me what that was all about? It doesn’t take a genius to work out you’ve been upset for days.” 

Allison huffed. 

“And here I thought I was being subtle.” 

“Nope. Not really.” 

“I honestly am embarrassed to admit it. But it’s the anniversary of Seth’s death today. And for some god-damned reason, it really got to me this week. He’s gone. He was fucking _murdered_. He’s never coming back.” 

Neil reached out and silently took Allison’s hand as they continued down the road at a leisurely pace. 

“I guess I just thought I would be over him by now. I want to be over him. I want to move on. Romantically, I mean. Is that awful?” 

Neil opened his mouth but Allison cut him off before he could reply. 

“I don’t care if it is. It’s the truth. I do. But I don’t feel like I’m _allowed _to move on. It’s so fucked up. I know my relationship with Seth wasn’t exactly out of a storybook, anyway. But for whatever shitty reason, he is still haunting me. Fuck you, Seth Gordon!” 

The last words were yelled at the empty sky. 

Neil rubbed her knuckles, over and over, taking his time to think of a response. 

“Seth is gone. You’re right. We all know he was murdered, and why, and by whom. And no, it’s not fucking fair. Nothing about our lives is fair. We’re Foxes, remember?” 

Allison snorted in agreement, and squeezed Neil’s hand. 

“But there is _no bloody way _that Seth would have wanted you to be miserable for the rest of your life, Allison. He loved you. He was a fucking turd half the time, but he loved you. I only knew him for a few months, but I knew that without any shred of doubt. The guy was crazy for you.” 

She drew in a jagged breath and Neil glanced at her sharply. 

“Don’t make me start counting again. I’ll do it!” 

Allison let go of his hand to shove him, and he just shoved her back, before grabbing her shoulders and forcing her to face him. 

“Listen to me. Seth loved you, and that’s why I know there is _no fucking way _he would want you to still be hung up on him a year later. You are absolutely allowed to grieve - it’s healthy, and I’d be worried if you didn’t - but you are _also _allowed to _move on_. You are allowed to find love again. We’re all rooting for you. Your Fox family wants you to be happy.” 

“I am happy!” Allison tried to protest but Neil’s sceptical look had her looking wryly away. “Yeah, okay, maybe I’ve been a bit fucking miserable. You really think it’s okay to move on, though?” 

“YES, for the love of god. Use today to say a proper goodbye to Seth. We’ll help you do it. And then… let him go.” 

Allison stared into Neil’s icy blue eyes for a long moment. She breathed in. Held it for a count of four. Breathed out. Then nodded, sharply. 

“Okay. Let’s do this. Operation: farewell and fuck off is now underway.” 

Neil grinned at her. 

“Atta girl. Now let’s get back; I’m starving. What are the chances Andrew has breakfast waiting for me?” 

“Better than the chances of me finding food in my empty dorm. Let’s round up the others and go for brunch.” 

They jogged the rest of the way back to Fox Tower in a comfortable silence that felt nothing at all like the ugly emptiness that had engulfed Allison on the way out. As they ran, Allison couldn’t help but glance over at Neil from time to time, smiling softly to herself. She was pretty damn lucky in her friends. No - her chosen family. 


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter comes with PROFUSE apologies for its tardiness. Sorry for falling off the face of the earth for a couple of months - real life got hectic. I won't bore you with the details. End of year break is coming up though so I should be able to post the rest of this fic up by New Years. Thanks for being patient with me! I hope this extra long chapter makes up for it.
> 
> Some extra warnings for this chapter, too: canon-compliant past character death is referenced throughout. And brace yourselves for fluff!

Back at Fox Tower, it didn’t take long to work out that a group brunch was not on the cards. Half of the team were apparently still nursing hangovers, while most of the others were simply shitty at having to deal with their hungover complaints. 

Neil and Allison agreed to round up all the original Foxes for a family dinner that night instead, then split up to look after their own needs. 

Allison’s stomach was rumbling, but she had to fix her makeup first before she could go out again. She went into the bathroom and opened the tap, taking an extra moment to stare at her reflection before splashing water onto her face. Neil had been right - she did look like something out of a horror show. The mascara had left black watercolour trails down her cheeks, and her hair, which had started the morning in a neat ponytail, was stuck in wild patterns on her face where the wind had caught it and glued it to her now-dried tears. Allison could only be grateful that no one but Neil had seen her looking like that. Especially not Renee. 

Presentable again, Allison decided to be kind to herself and ordered some food in. It was a Sunday, after all. She could allow herself that kind of luxury. She pulled a magazine out of her bedside drawer and curled up on the couch to wait for the delivery person, happy to lose herself for a few hours in the problems of _other _rich and famous people. 

* * *

When dinner time rolled around, Allison nearly didn’t want to get up. She thought of Neil’s words that morning, though - about giving Seth a proper goodbye, and being able to move on because of it. She didn’t know if Neil was right, but it was worth giving it a go. Besides, if she were honest with herself, she was sick of her own company and missed the other Foxes. 

She dressed herself up in dark clothes that made her feel like a million bucks and makeup that really did feel like armour. Re-energised and feeling more like herself than she had done all week, Allison went next door and knocked on Neil’s door.  


“Ready, Josten?” 

The door opened to reveal not just Neil, but Andrew and Kevin too, all of them dressed up in sombre colours. On Andrew, this wasn’t much different to his usual outfit, but that wasn’t the point. 

“Get moving, Reynolds, you’re blocking the door.” 

She blinked down at Andrew. Right. Stepping aside, she watched as Minyard marched over to the dorm shared by his brother, cousin, and Matt. He banged on the door a few times before retreating to Neil’s side. 

The other original Foxes all piled out of Matt’s dorm, including Dan and Renee who had apparently gotten ready in there. Every single one of them was wearing some shade of black, and had put effort into their choice of outfit. They looked like they were on their way to a really classy funeral. 

One of the freshmen poked her head out into the hallway. 

“What’s all this about?” she asked curiously. 

“Be grateful you don’t know,” Matt responded cheerfully. “Mum and dad are going out for the night, so be good and don’t get into any trouble! Remember, it’s a school night and Wymack will kill you all if you’re late to training tomorrow.” 

“Shouldn’t that be my line to you?” The freshman protested, but she retreated back into her dorm without further questions. 

Allison took a moment to look around at all of her Foxes. Her family. Her heart seized painfully for a moment as she truly took in the support that was on clear display around her. Stomping back down on her feelings, Allison took control of the evening. 

“Okay, losers, let’s get to this dinner!” 

They piled into two cars, the Maserati and Matt’s truck still as reliable as ever, and before long were downtown and situated safely inside their favourite restaurant. Allison announced that dinner was on her tonight, and Renee of all people surprised her by offering to pay for everyone’s drinks. 

None of the other Foxes thought to protest this, and before long there was a comfortable buzz of happy conversations going on all around her. Allison couldn’t help but feel a little removed from it all, even when the conversation was directed at her. It all just felt a little surreal. She was here, surrounded by people who loved her, as safe as she would ever be in this world. And yet… Seth was still gone. And yet… she was still not completely free. Not honest. Not out. 

For a while, listening to her friends talk amongst themselves, Allison thought about it. Seriously thought about it. Coming out to them all. Here. Tonight. In a lot of ways, it was the perfect opportunity. But she knew herself, and she knew that she simply wasn't ready. It was too much. Her grief over Seth had to come first. It was bad enough that all the Foxes had seen her so vulnerable over him. At least with Seth they understood why she was weak. Allison knew she wasn’t ready to break down that final barrier and show them her true self, in its entirety. She felt a little dizzy just imagining it. 

The sound of a fork against a glass broke her out of her thoughts, and she looked up to see Matt clearing his throat. All the individual conversations died off and eight pairs of eyes turned to look at him. 

“I guess… I just thought it was right to say something. A few words. About Seth.” 

He paused, turning to meet Allison’s eyes, seemingly unsure if he was treading on fragile ground. She mustered up an encouraging smile, and the corner of his mouth curled up as well before he turned his attention back to the group. 

“We all know Seth was a bastard. But he was a true Fox, too. He was one of us, and he did _not_ deserve to be murdered. He should still be here, with us, today. He should be an Exy champion, just like the rest of us.” 

There was a long silence while Matt’s words resonated around the table. 

“Today marks a year since he was taken from us. Today, the Foxes are stronger than they have ever been before. We owe it to Seth to remember where we came from, and make sure we protect every member of our family so that _none _of us are ever taken away, ever again.” 

This last was met with a chorus of approval, and everyone clinked their glasses together and looked pointedly at Neil as Matt settled back into his seat. 

Before the sombre silence completely faded, Dan surprised Allison by also speaking out. 

“You all know I was not Seth’s biggest fan. Mainly because I didn’t always like how he treated you, Allison. I just want you to be happy _all _the time - I thought you deserved better. But I understand that Seth deserved better, too. He deserved better than what he got. And the nine of us were the closest thing Seth ever had to friends. So I think it’s right that Allison is not the only one who is having a tough time this week. And it’s important for us to remember Seth at his best, and thank him for what he contributed to all of our lives.” 

“Well said, Captain!” That was Nicky. 

“I think it should also be spelled out that we are all here for you, Allison. And everything you are feeling is completely valid. You are loved and cherished by all of us.” 

Renee’s voice washed over her with its gentle cadence, her words threatening to drive Allison completely mad. For fuck’s sake. She was _loved_? How long had Allison waited to hear those words from Renee, but now it was all wrong. She couldn’t meet the other girl’s eyes as she spoke, and Renee’s words were soon drowned out by a chorus of well-meaning joshing and joking from the others. 

“Love? Psh. Who gave you the impression that I do more than tolerate any of you?” 

Andrew’s dry sarcasm did an excellent job of grounding Allison back in reality, and she felt brave enough to glance at Renee. It was a mistake. Renee was still looking right at her, an inscrutable expression on her face. Allison felt herself colouring, becoming flustered and confused. What was happening to her? 

Renee seemed to see her struggle and took pity on her. 

“Alright, that’s enough of that. Who wants ice cream?” 

“That stuff will rot your teeth.” 

“Shut up, Kevin!” 

The Foxes broke off into twos and threes, peeling out of the booth and heading towards the door. Allison had been perched on the end, but she hung back to wait for the upperclassmen, slinging her arms around Dan and Matt’s shoulders as they made to pass her. 

“Thank you, guys. That was - just, thanks.” 

“Any time, Reynolds. You know we got your back.” Matt turned and lifted her into a bear hug. She beat at his shoulders with her fists for a moment in mock protest, then relaxed into the hug. 

“You guys are the best. I love you too.” These last words were mumbled into the safety of Matt’s sleeve. 

“We know. Now let her down from there Matt before the Monsters come barking about their ice cream.” 

Matt laughed and obeyed his girlfriend, placing Allison gently back on the ground and striding confidently towards the door. Before Allison could catch her breath, Renee had enveloped her in a quick hug of her own, planting a quick kiss on her forehead before running off after Matt. 

Allison just stood there, beside their empty booth, staring after her friends. What the hell had _that _been? 

Dan’s laugh made her jump a foot in the air. 

“Come on, you look like an owl with your eyes all huge like that. Let’s get some nice cold ice cream into you.” 

Allison blinked a few times and got a hold of herself. 

“Right. Ice cream. Let’s do this.” 

* * *

The ride back to Fox Tower passed in a blur. Curled up in the back of Matt’s truck, Allison was pleasantly sleepy. She was exhausted from a good meal, a long day, the exercise she had done with Neil earlier, the emotional labour that came from crying, and her lack of sleep the night before. She missed the moment that Matt put the truck in park, but followed Renee and Dan up the stairs and into their room. 

Allison was desperate to feel clean, so she headed straight to the bathroom, pausing only to scoop up a set of pyjamas along the way. She stood under the shower spray for an unmarked period of time, revelling in the comfort that the hot water brought her. Finally, she felt her fingers beginning to prune, so she cut off the water and stepped out onto the bathmat. 

Wrapping herself in her fluffiest towel, Allison stood and combed her hair out in front of the mirror. Normally she would blow-dry and style it immediately, but somehow she just couldn’t muster up the energy required. Instead, she towelled it dry as best she could, and kept it wrapped in a towel turban while she went through her pre-bed skincare routine. When she was done, she changed into her silk pyjamas and finally exited the bathroom. 

The lights were dimmed in the main room, with only a lamp shining through from the bedroom. Allison stopped at the kitchen sink to pour herself a glass of water, then finally steeled herself to face her roommates. A quick glance through the bedroom doorway revealed that Dan was conspicuously absent. 

“Dan decided to sleep over at Matt’s again tonight.” 

In her sleepy state, Allison appreciated Renee’s explanation of the obvious. 

“Right. Just you and me, then.” 

Allison tore her eyes away from Renee where she was sitting cross-legged on top of her bed. She had obviously been reading a book while Allison showered, but had set it aside as soon as Allison came in. She tried not to think about what that might mean. 

“I hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable?” 

“Wha-?” Allison spun around and looked at Renee like she was crazy. “Why would you think that?” 

Renee looked perplexed. “Well… you seem to run away every time I speak to you these days.” 

Allison wanted to protest, but she realised Renee had hit uncomfortably close to the truth. She turned back to busying herself with her bed covers so she could hide her face. 

“Renee, please believe me when I say that the last thing you make me feel is _uncomfortable_.” 

“Well… good.” Allison heard the smile in Renee’s voice. 

Suddenly, it was all too much. The stresses of the day threatened to overwhelm her again. She had gone through too many emotional rollercoasters today to be able to cope with the butterflies that Renee always inspired in her gut. 

Allison collapsed silently onto her bed, facing the wall, and screwed her eyes up tight. A moment later, her eyes flew open and she went stiff with tension as she felt the bed dip behind her. Renee was wrapping her in a gentle, insistent hug. Renee hugged her, and it felt like maybe the world might be a safe place again after all. Renee hugged her, and Allison couldn’t let go. Renee hugged her, and Allison’s grief warred with hope in her heart. Renee hugged her, and the tears started up again and wouldn’t stop. Renee hugged her. They fell asleep together like that on Allison’s bed. Her last memory before drifting off was the rhythmic stroking of Renee’s gentle hand through her hair. 


	6. Chapter Six

Three Fridays later, Allison found herself seated beside Renee once again. It was an away game this week, which meant more hours than she would care to count seated on the Fox bus. They had been on the road since just after breakfast, and still had a way to go. 

Allison had claimed a seat to herself for the first part of the journey, stretching out her legs to make it clear she didn’t want company. She had thought she was rather clever, and had even congratulated herself on yet again avoiding an awkward encounter with Renee. She hadn’t been quick enough after their last pit stop, however, and Renee had slid right in next to her before Allison could do anything about it. 

They still hadn’t talked since that night. Hadn’t exchanged more than the barest pleasantries since Renee had crawled into her bed and embraced her sobbing, miserable body until she had cried herself to sleep. Over a boy. Which - pathetic _and _heterosexual, exactly the image she wanted to project to the girl she had a major crush on. Perfect. 

Allison could admit that she was embarrassed. 

The worst part was, she had been _completely fine _about Seth since that night. She really had. That emotion-charged outpouring of tears seemed to have been the last, dying throes of grief, and she now felt cleansed and at peace about that entire situation. She knew that some part of her still loved Seth, and probably always would. The fact was though, he was long gone, and she finally accepted that. Allison knew that it was past time that she forgave him - and herself. She was allowed to move on. Her conscience was clear. 

Still, saying it and actually pursuing her crush were two very fucking different concepts. The situation was made infinitely more complex because Renee was - well, she was a goddess, but the point was she was a woman, and that just made things difficult. To start _anything _with Renee would obviously require Allison to come out - at least to her! 

The idea was terrifying. 

Thrilling, but completely and utterly fucking terrifying. 

If she were honest with herself, Allison was scared of a lot of things when it came to Renee. Coming out. Rejection. Ruining their friendship. 

It was that last one that Allison just couldn’t get past. That was the step too far, the bridge she couldn’t afford to cross. 

So when Renee slid into the bus seat beside her, Allison said none of this. Instead, she very deliberately slid on her headphones, turned up her music obnoxiously loud, and turned to stare out the window for the rest of the journey. 

And if Renee’s expression looked like some tragic mix of heartbroken and baffled, well - Allison told herself she just couldn’t see Renee’s face properly out of the corner of her eye. 

* * *

It had gotten easier to avoid Renee. 

At practice, Renee seemed to be hyper-focused on the instructions being barked at her by Coach or Kevin, and she hung out almost exclusively with Andrew and Neil during breaks. 

She no longer came to find Allison between classes. Allison couldn’t remember the last time they had shared lunch together. And it had become amazingly simple to coexist in their dorm room without speaking to each other at all. 

Allison supposed she only had herself to blame. 

It was only natural that Renee would tire of her. 

So it was with some relief that Allison read the text she had just received from Neil. 

_“Halloween is coming up - Nicky is insisting that we have themed costumes. Want to go shopping so you can help me survive this nightmare?”_

_“Meet me at my car in 10 minutes!”_

Allison spent eight of the next ten minutes sliding into a pair of tight leather pants that made her ass look amazing, touched up her lipstick, then floated down the stairs to her car. Renee was just coming up the path to Fox Tower, and stepped aside to let Allison pass her. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but no words came out. Allison flushed at the attention and turned away, grateful to see her shopping companion already waiting by her Porsche. 

“Hi, Neil!” 

If Allison was a little over-enthusiastic with her waved greeting, well, what of it. 

* * *

Allison decided to take Neil to a proper mall, not just the few crappy stores downtown from campus. They ended up driving all the way to Columbia, but Neil didn’t seem to mind. The drive passed easily. They didn’t always fill their silences, but Allison found herself smiling as soon as they got on the road. That was the great thing about hanging out with Neil. He was sharp as a tack and wasn’t afraid to be brutally honest with her, but he also understood the value of privacy - and secrets. Neil would never pry into Allison’s personal life, but she knew that he would be ready to listen, if she ever felt like talking. 

Once at the mall, Neil humoured her by traipsing through a few high fashion boutiques. After the fifth store where Allison purchased nothing but kept running her hands lovingly over the merchandise, Neil finally put his foot down. 

“Come on, Reynolds, these matching costumes aren’t going to find themselves.” 

Allison snorted, but relented and followed Neil out of fashion paradise, down an escalator and across to ‘Costumes-R-Us’. It was the biggest fancy dress store in a 20 mile radius. Most of the year it catered to cos-players and the renaissance fair crowd, but every October it did a roaring trade in Halloween costumes and accessories. Allison was confident she would find what they needed here. 

Neil had frozen in the wig aisle in front of a long blonde monstrosity and was looking on the verge of panic. Allison decided that swift intervention was required. 

“Okay! So, Nicky said we needed a theme for the costumes, right?” 

Neil blinked, then seemed to come back to himself. 

“Right...” 

Allison swiftly scanned the labels on the aisles, looking for inspiration. 

“I’ve got it! Fruit salad.” 

“Fruit salad?” Neil sounded doubtful. 

“Yeah! Trust me on this one, Josten.” 

Silently congratulating herself for choosing such a versatile theme, Allison sauntered past medieval knights, bleeding ghouls and sexy maids until she found herself standing in front of the fruits and vegetables. 

“So… explain to me again how this is going to work?” Neil sounded nervous as he stared down an oversized carrot costume. 

“It’s simple!” Allison was working herself up into an excited passion. “We all come dressed as different fruits that could be ingredients in a fruit salad. That way it doesn’t matter if we split up over the night, or who we’re standing next to, or how many of the Foxes even join in. The theme will hold. Plus, the costumes are super easy and instantly recognisable.” 

“Hmm. I guess that does sound smart.” 

“Smart? It’s nothing less than trademark Allison Reynolds genius.” 

“I guess we’ll see if you still think that after I tell Andrew he has to wear this giant banana.” 

Allison gasped dramatically, the back of her hand flying to her forehead as she pretended to faint dead away into a pile of cushiony tomatoes. 

“That’s as good as pre-meditating my murder, Josten.” 

“Nah. He loves me too much to kill my best friend.” 

“Love, huh?” 

Allison got smoothly back to her feet as Neil’s cheeks turned the same colour as her tomato fainting couch. 

“Well, anyway,” Neil hastened to change the subject as he started flicking haphazardly through the costume racks. “What will you go as?” 

Allison took her time browsing through the opposite rack, her back to Neil’s. 

“Well, it has to be something I look gorgeous in.” 

“Obviously.” 

Allison resisted the urge to turn back around and flick Neil’s impudent face. Instead, she gathered her courage, buried her face in a peach, and admitted, “Actually, there’s someone in particular I want to look gorgeous... for.” 

It came out muffled, but Allison knew Neil had heard her just fine because of the silence that descended between them. She could tell he had turned to face her when he finally spoke. 

“That’s great, Allison. Really. I know that’s a big step for you.” 

“Mmm.” Allison’s response was non-committal as she continued half-heartedly pushing costumes around the racks. 

“Look, you can tell me to shut up at any time, but I know this is probably a really scary feeling for you to be having. Opening yourself up to that kind of vulnerability with another person again… I’m sure you’re really scared. I know I was.” 

Allison dared a glance back at him at that. Neil “I’m fine” Josten, admitting that he had been afraid of something? 

He was gazing back at her, serious but open-faced, not a hint of judgment in his expression. Allison felt the start of tears prickling her eyes, and forced them back, glancing away from her friend. 

“Thanks for the support, Josten, but it’s just a crush. Hardly the worst thing any of us Foxes have faced.” 

Neil just stared her down until she met his eyes again. 

“You know damn well that making yourself vulnerable to someone else is bloody terrifying. So I’ll give you some advice that someone once gave to me.” 

Allison clutched a random costume in her hands, and didn’t break his gaze. 

“Love is about finding someone who will hold you up. Someone strong enough to take on all your problems, everything that you are, and still be stable enough to support you.” 

Whatever costume she was holding was taking a serious beating as she wrung her hands, thoughts lost in memories - Renee’s arms around her shoulders, supporting her weight as she limped through the cafeteria. Renee’s arms around her body, comforting her through waves of grief. 

“So I guess the question you have to ask yourself… is whether this person will hold you up. That’s the pay-off for the vulnerability. If not… you might as well save yourself the trouble.” 

Finished his speech, Neil held her eyes for a moment longer, then wandered off down the aisle. Allison was grateful for his tact. She needed more than a moment to compose herself. 

Fucking Neil Josten. How did he manage to strike so close to the truth without ever asking her for a single detail she hadn’t willingly shared? 

He was probably right, though. Allison was kidding herself, calling this thing she was harbouring a ‘crush’. Renee was the support pillar around which she had re-built her life, and Allison was in _serious _fucking trouble. 

Belatedly, she realised that the object in her hand was in fact a pineapple costume. _Perfect_, she thought. _Glamourous, exotic, delicious, yet prickly like a bitch. _It was time to see whether Renee could handle her abrasive exterior and see through to the sweetness within. 

Allison rolled her eyes, disgusted at her own metaphor, and picked out a handful of costumes for the other Foxes before heading to the cashier. 


	7. Chapter Seven

Halloween was upon them in the blink of an eye. Their previous few Exy games had proven extremely difficult, and last week they had even suffered their first defeat of the season. Tensions were running high amongst the entire team, and one of the freshmen had broken down completely after a particularly brutal talking-to from Wymack. 

It was with a considerable sense of relief that they collectively realised Halloween fell on a Wednesday this year - far enough away from the previous Friday that they could forget about their miserable loss, yet with enough time before their next game that they could comfortably go out and party without destroying their match fitness. 

“It’s destiny,” Nicky had solemnly decreed when they discussed it over the weekend, and some part of Allison couldn’t help but agree. 

Now it was Halloween, the original Foxes were all at Eden’s, and Allison was determined to enjoy herself. Somehow they had all squeezed into two cars with their costumes on. The sight of Andrew dressed as a giant banana, driving a Maserati with his trademark emotionless expression, would stay with Allison for a long, long time. She made a mental note to congratulate Neil on his persuasive techniques next time she caught him alone. 

As for the others, Matt was a watermelon, arm-in-arm with honeydew-Dan. Kevin was a shiny red apple, Aaron and Katelyn had come as matching Kiwi fruit, and Neil’s strawberry somehow did nothing to diminish his good looks. Nicky, naturally, was a risque bunch of grapes, positioned ever-so-carefully around his body. He had already declared that he was “feeling positively fruity”, and had made them all late by video-calling Erik before they left the dorms. 

Allison was moderately pleased with how her own pineapple costume had turned out, but she really only had eyes for Renee. Renee, who was rocking a peach so realistic she was tempted to take a bite - and if it was the same one that Allison had already buried her face in once, she would never admit it. 

They split off into their usual groups, Andrew, Neil and Kevin heading straight for the bar while the others meandered to the dance floor. Allison thought she could do with a few drinks herself, but Renee stopped her as she made to follow after Neil. 

“Hi.” 

Allison couldn’t help but smile back at her. They had been avoiding each other for weeks, and it felt amazing just to be seen and acknowledged by Renee. 

“Hi, yourself.” 

“Oh, good. You’re talking to me tonight. That improves my chances significantly.” 

Allison blinked back at her, allowing herself to take in the lovely way Renee had styled her hair to match the swell of the peach, the rainbow ends bright and on full display. Her neck was bare down to where the curve of the costume began, somehow complementing the natural shape of her body. Only Renee could look so fucking sexy as a round fruit. 

“Your chances?” 

Renee was looking right back at her, and Allison realised with a start that she was also giving her a once-over. _There might be a slight possibility, _she conceded, _that Renee was not entirely straight. _Hope fluttered in her chest, against her better judgment. 

“Mmhmm. My chances. Of getting you out on the dancefloor. With me.” 

Allison couldn’t stop the grin that spread across her entire face; she didn’t care who saw it. 

“Are you asking me to dance with you, Renee?” 

“Are you saying yes?” 

Allison grabbed Renee’s hand and pulled her after her, down the stairs and into the vibrating throng of costumed revellers. The volume around them increased immediately, and Allison didn’t think she would be able to hear Renee if she tried to say anything. It didn’t matter though. The wonderful thing about dancing was that it didn’t require speech. 

Renee’s hand was still in hers, and she didn’t seem in a hurry to let go, so Allison mirrored the action with her other hand and began stepping in time to the music, a foot of space between them. It was one of those fast-paced boppy tunes that was popular in every club right now, and it was impossible not to relax and enjoy the moment. The smile that had started earlier was still plastered on her face. Allison couldn’t understand why she had waited for so long to allow herself this kind of _fun_. 

Twenty minutes later, Allison was starting to tire of jumping and waving her arms around. She could feel sweat trickling down the inside of her pineapple suit. She was reluctantly considering calling a break, when the music mercifully switched tempo. The unmistakable notes of a slow song floated over the dancefloor, and all around them, couples were pairing off into tight embraces. 

They still hadn’t let go of each other’s hands, but this was something different. Allison was suddenly unsure again. Renee, bless her, was not. She drew Allison’s hands up to her neck, resting on the soft top of her peach costume. Stepping closer, her own hands went around what would have been Allison’s waist, under the pineapple. The next moment, they were swaying gently together in time to the music. 

Allison didn’t know where to look. She was terrified to shift her hands even a fraction, in case she touched Renee somewhere she wasn’t supposed to. But the music kept playing, and they kept swaying together, and Renee didn’t seem to be in any hurry to let go. 

It was kind of magical. 

In that moment, Allison decided that she didn’t much care whether Renee was completely straight or into Jean Moreau. She was dancing with the girl of her dreams, and she would damn well make the most of it. _Fuck it_, she thought, and relaxed fully into Renee’s embrace, resting her head on her shoulder. Renee seemed to stiffen for a moment, and Allison nearly jerked right back up again, but the next second Renee’s arms were squeezing her even tighter, locking her in place. Allison relaxed. Whatever this was, Renee clearly wanted it too. 

They stayed like that, rotating slowly on the spot, hardly noticing as the slow song, and then the one that followed it, played themselves out. It wasn’t until the final strains of a third song were sounding that Allison finally lifted her head from its resting place and smiled gently at her dance partner. Renee’s eyes had been closed, but she opened them at Allison’s movement. It might have been a trick of the light, but they seemed to glisten with wetness as she returned Allison’s smile. 

It was still too loud to hear over the music, so Allison gestured in the direction of the stairs with her head and pulled Renee gently through the crowd, making towards the tables where they would no doubt find some Foxes. Renee surprised her yet again, though, by diverting them towards a shadowy alcove partway between the bathrooms and the bar. Allison found herself pushed back against a wall. 

“Hi,” Renee said again. 

“Hi…” Allison breathed. They were standing very close together, their stupid costumes pushing against each other. Allison didn’t know what was happening. Renee was closing the space between them, placing her hands on the wall on either side of Allison’s face. She couldn’t look away, couldn’t look anywhere except directly into Renee’s eyes. 

So she noticed it, when those eyes dipped down to look at her mouth. 

“Allison,” Renee murmured - and if her name had ever sounded sexier, she couldn’t think of when that might possibly have been. “Allison, I would really like to kiss you.” 

Her breath was coming in uneven gasps now, and some part of her was still trying to work out if this was all a joke. Renee’s eyes were staring back into her own though, and she could see nothing but sincerity - and excitement. 

Allison didn’t think she could manage words at that moment, so she just nodded frantically. 

It seemed to be enough. Renee smiled gently at her (yes, she was definitely glancing frequently at Renee’s mouth now, too), and closed the last few inches between them. 

The first press of Renee’s lips against hers was unbearably soft. The faintest exploration, there and then gone again. Allison chased after them, far from satisfied, and was rewarded by a decisive claiming from Renee. The force of this second kiss pushed her head back against the wall, and Renee showed no signs of relenting. Allison melted into the kiss, allowing herself to savour each sensation. The pressure points where their lips met, the undulations of Renee’s tongue as it pushed its way possessively into her mouth. Allison matched her stroke for stroke, twining around each other in a dance they might have been born to share. 

Eventually, inevitably, they broke apart. 

Allison could hear Renee’s breathing now, almost as erratic as her own. They were both gasping, staring at each other. Disbelief seemed to radiate from them both, but relief and joy were there too, lightening the mood. Allison giggled, and Renee grinned, resting her forehead against Allison’s as they fought to catch their breath. 

When they recovered, Renee pressed one more light kiss to Allison’s mouth, then turned and walked off towards their friends, Allison following closely behind her. 

She knew they would have to talk about this. There was a lot to unpack, to understand. But not tonight. Not now. 

Tonight was for joy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The turning point... hope you enjoyed!


	8. Chapter Eight

November was secret smiles and knowing glances, awkward group gatherings and shy dorm-room encounters. It was Renee’s eyes following her around every room, and the memory of Renee’s lips on hers. 

It was denial - of feelings, of what had happened. 

It was avoiding the conversation that desperately needed to take place. Or any conversation longer than “pass the bread, please”. 

November, in short, was Allison’s idea of torture. 

The situation couldn’t possibly go on the way it had, though Allison couldn’t think of a single way of improving it. Renee, bless her or curse her, seemed determined to change things up. 

It happened like this: 

Another away game, another long bus ride. Another opportunity for Renee to ambush her, Allison trapped in her seat where she could not avoid her without making a scene and earning a lot of awkward questions from the other Foxes. Which - the whole point of avoiding Renee was avoiding questions from the other Foxes. 

The ambush, therefore, was complete, and effective. 

The invitation, when it came, left Allison breathless and at real risk of a panic attack. 

“My mother has invited you home with me for Thanksgiving. I want you to come.” 

“Renee, I… I can’t.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because I just fucking can’t… don’t you think it would be weird?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous! You’ve stayed with us before. Why should this be any different?” 

Allison just gave her an exasperated look. 

“You _know _why!” 

Renee returned her look with an impressive combination of pleading and steady determination. 

“Please, Allison. We need to talk; you know we do. This could be the perfect opportunity.” 

They stared at each other for a few moments in silence, Allison thinking of all the things that might go wrong. Or right. 

“Okay,” she finally conceded. 

“Okay? Really?” 

There was no concealing the genuine joy in Renee’s eyes, though Allison didn’t like the uncertainty she saw there as well, tempering the happiness. 

“YES, really, you silly idiot.” 

Allison shoved Renee playfully away from her, giving them both some much-needed breathing room. 

“Now go sit somewhere else for a while, I can’t keep looking at your self-satisfied smirk for another minute.” 

Renee gave her what was definitely a perfect example of that smirk, and moved to the back of the bus, where she sat down near Andrew and struck up a conversation about strategy for their upcoming game. Allison watched them over the back of her seat for a few moments before catching herself and sitting back down properly, blushing furiously into her arm as she buried her face against the window. She must have looked absolutely fucking ridiculous, staring dreamily down the bus. A lovestruck fool. 

She was just lucky the rest of the Foxes were too fucking dumb to actually notice anything outside of their own orbit. 

As for Allison, it was becoming impossible to deny, even to herself, that her own orbit centred solely around Renee these days. 

Taking some calming breaths, Allison felt her cheeks cooling and the panic subsiding. She allowed herself to properly contemplate the upcoming trip away. A whole long weekend, away from the Foxes, away from Palmetto, alone with just Renee… and Stephanie Walker. Her crush's mum. Allison allowed herself a small smile. The thought of the trip was actually thrilling. 

* * *

Allison had been thrumming with nervous energy since they had boarded the flight to North Dakota on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Renee had been nothing but kind, and Allison had tried to reward her with weak smiles, but honestly she didn’t know how to act, where to put her hands, what to do with herself. 

There were so many words unspoken between them. So many emotions threatening to burst from her. Allison honestly thought she might vomit from tension if she kept overthinking things, so she plugged in her headphones to her seat console and turned on a mindless movie for the duration of the flight. Renee seemed content to read a novel. 

The first moment of relief was when Stephanie Walker showed her to her beautifully made up guest bedroom. There had been an irrational fear tangling with hope inside her mind that she would somehow be invited to share Renee’s. Instead, she would be safely across the hall. Relief warred with disappointment, and won - just about. 

It was late evening when they got in, and Allison’s stomach was complaining loudly, so she was very happy when Stephanie ushered them into the kitchen for a late dinner. 

“Sorry, it’s not much,” Renee’s mother apologised as she served up a simple meal of roast potatoes and chicken, with a garden salad on the side. 

Allison stared at her for a second, then laughed. 

“Stephanie, don’t be ridiculous. You are clearly forgetting how starved we college students are for any kind of home-cooked meal. This is amazing anyway, _especially_ when I know you’re going to have some extravagant feast planned for tomorrow.” 

Renee’s mother denied nothing, grinning back at her and scooping another serving of potato onto her plate. 

“Eat up! I know you’ll need your energy for tomorrow with what Renee has planned for you.” 

Allison happily dug into her meal, but glanced curiously at Renee across the table, the question obvious in her eyes. 

“Okay, so don’t get mad -” 

“An ominous start.” 

“But I may have gone full Wymack and signed us up for a half-marathon, of sorts.” 

“WHAT?” 

Renee ducked reflexively under the cherry tomato that Allison had pinged at her. 

“It’s for a really good cause, I promise! The Cystic Fibrosis Association here in Bismarck have organised a Turkey Trot as a fundraiser.” 

“A… Turkey Trot.” 

Allison’s wry drawl was dripping in scepticism. Renee just doubled down. 

“Yes! A Turkey Trot. And I was only going to sign up for the 5 kilometre run but now I’m going to make us do 10 kilometres and really earn that Thanksgiving dinner.” 

Allison heaved a long-suffering sigh. 

“You’re lucky I can’t say no to you. And that I needed to find a way to work out while we’re here anyway.” 

Renee grinned at her shyly. 

“Great! It starts at 8:00am.” 

This time even her goalkeeper reflexes weren’t enough for Renee to duck the handful of potato that got tossed her way. 

They stuck their tongues out at each other, then settled down to their meals, Stephanie just shaking her head wryly at their antics. 

By the time she excused herself from the table to seek the sanctuary of her bedroom, Allison felt much better. 

* * *

It turned out that 10km was a ridiculously long way to run, at least when there were no buzzers or fouls or goals or timeouts to break up the distance. In the logical part of her brain, Allison knew that as a Dealer, she probably covered at least that distance, if not much farther, during a typical Exy game. Dealers were some of the most active players on the team, connecting the strikers with the backline and chasing the path of the ball as it flew back and forth along the court. Even so, by halfway through the ‘Turkey Trot’ she was convinced that marathons were a particularly devious form of torture. 

Maddeningly, Renee, whose match fitness had no reason to be as honed as Allison’s was, jogged calmly by her side, seemingly unaffected by the long monotony of the course. 

Allison tried to just focus on her breathing, keeping it as steady and even as she could. She tried matching the rhythm of it to the timing of her feet pounding against the running track, the swing of her arms at her sides. This method got her through another couple of kilometres, but with two to go, she found her control slipping. Her breathing became ragged, and a sharp pain started in her side. 

A quick glance beside her indicated that Renee was finally showing signs of fatigue as well, though the sweat glistening off her brow and neck just seemed to make her more beautiful. Allison smiled grimly at her. 

“Having fun?” 

“Couldn’t think of anything better than sharing this moment with you,” Renee shot back. 

Allison was fairly certain she was being only partly sarcastic. 

It made her brave enough to grab Renee’s hand - the first time she had voluntarily touched her since that night at Eden’s - and pull the other girl along. 

“Come on,” Allison panted. “Let’s get this over with.” 

Renee’s eyes were glued to their joined hands, but she said nothing as she continued jogging with renewed vigour. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In researching for this chapter I googled "North Dakota Thanksgiving traditions" and, well... I couldn't very well NOT sign them up for something as ridiculous as a Turkey Trot, could I? Sorry, ladies!


	9. Chapter Nine

Stephanie had out-done herself with the feast that awaited them when they were finally through with Turkey Trotting. Allison would have felt less like an intrusive guest if she had been able to help with the preparations, but she was so exhausted from the morning’s activities that she could only smile with relief when they walked through the front door and realised that everything was ready. Stephanie ushered them directly to the showers, with strict instructions not to dawdle lest the food be ruined. 

There was an awkward moment when Renee appeared at the bathroom door at the same time that Allison did. They stared at each other, and Allison wondered whether Renee was also contemplating the terrifyingly large idea of entering the bathroom _together_. Renee recovered first and retreated down the hall, shouting that she would use the ensuite shower in her mother’s bedroom. 

Allison nodded, though Renee was already long gone, and allowed herself three full seconds to wallow. It would have been fucking nice. Terrifying, but nice. Regret followed her through the bathroom door, but it was guilty relief that rolled over her as she stepped into the shower alone. She felt hot and cold all over, antsy under her skin, so despite Stephanie’s warning she stood under the warmth of the shower spray for much longer than necessary. When she finally felt the exertions and worries of the morning wash away, a gentle calm settled inside her. She finished drying herself and stepped into her fresh clothes. Allison considered her reflection for a moment, then very deliberately allowed herself to leave that bathroom with her hair towel-dried and not a scrap of makeup to be seen. 

For whatever reason, it just felt _right_. 

The meal passed in a pleasant haze of feasting, joking and storytelling, with Renee catching her mother up on everything that had happened since pre-season training had called her away from home. The Walkers kept a dry house, so Allison was completely sober, but somehow it didn’t bother her today. By the end of dinner, she felt almost drunk anyway, caught up in the effects of the good food and better company. She felt... safe, in a way that was novel in its rarity. 

Afterwards, dishes done in record time thanks to their combined efforts, Stephanie excused herself for the evening, claiming a long nap was in order. 

Allison collapsed on the couch in the living room, feeling relaxed and at peace. Renee sat down beside her, tuning the television to a random movie channel before making herself comfortable, throwing some blankets over them both. For a while, they just watched TV together in silence. Amusingly, the movie was Bend it Like Beckham, which Allison had seen too many times to count throughout her teenage years, and which had _definitely _contributed to her bisexual awakening. 

After a while, Allison felt Renee’s attention on her rather than on Kiera Knightley. Smug pleasure rolled through her at the idea. Allison let it wash over her, and away. She took a breath. She knew that it was time - past time. The conversation she had been putting off was definitely here, making its presence felt as obnoxiously as an Orange Notes fight song, but suddenly Allison couldn’t remember why she had been afraid of it. Everything about this moment radiated comfort - felt natural and right. So Allison calmly returned Renee’s gaze, smiled warmly at her, and began. 

“I guess I should start by apologising.” 

Renee’s blink was her only indication of surprise at the direction Allison had taken. 

“I know,” Allison continued, “I haven’t really treated you very well this semester. Not at all. I’ve blown hot and cold, and I’ve channelled my best inner bitch at times.” 

Renee just nodded, allowing her the courtesy of uninterrupted airtime. God, Allison really didn’t deserve this amazing woman. 

“I don’t want to justify or excuse my behaviour, but I did want to make sure you understood it - understand me - properly.” 

Another nod from Renee, this one accompanied by a small smile. Allison took a deep breath, and when she released it, the words seemed to flow out of her with it. 

“I like you, Renee. I really, really like you. I have for a very long time. And that’s a good thing - a wonderful thing.” 

Renee’s eyes were shining now, but Allison forced herself to plow on. 

“But what that says about me, about my own sexuality - that’s something I’ve barely come to terms with in my own mind, and have really struggled to share with the world.” 

“Allison…” Renee took both of Allison’s hands in her own, and squeezed them tight. “You don’t owe the world a single truth about yourself. But I’m so glad, so honoured, that you’re sharing them with me.” 

Allison felt... seen. Seen in a way she had rarely (if ever) felt before. 

“I’m bisexual. I’ve known that about myself longer than I could admit. It’s why… that’s the reason why my parents kicked me out. It was never about the Exy, not really. That was just a convenient story for the nosy press.” 

The pressure on her hands grew stronger, and Renee did not look away from her for a single moment, focusing on her with razor intensity. Allison felt brave before her gaze, brave enough to keep going. 

“They kicked me out, and I started a new life, but I was so scared. So scared, and so hurt. I had trusted this terrifying, intimate secret with the people who should have had my back, and it went about as badly as it is possible for coming out stories to go. So I decided to shut down that part of myself. Or at least, I tried to.” 

Allison took a deep breath, shifting around on the couch to get comfortable. 

“I was determined to keep that part of myself secret forever. It didn’t seem so hard. After all, I was attracted to people of multiple genders, so I figured I could just date guys, and pass for a straight girl. It worked, for a while. And then Seth happened.” 

Allison did not allow herself to cower away from Renee’s gaze as she went on. 

“I loved him. You of all people… you know I did. And he died - he was killed, in such an awful way. I could have so easily fallen to pieces. But the person who was there to hold me together… was you.” 

Renee smiled shyly at her, at Allison smiled warmly back. 

“And now it’s been so long since I lost him, and I’ve managed to truly lay him to rest in my mind. Thanks, again, to you - and to the other Foxes. So I’m ready to move on. I’m ready to let myself love again. But I’m so, so scared for that person to be you. Not because I’m unsure of how I feel about you… but because I’m fucking terrified of showing that part of myself to the world.” 

Allison half hiccuped as she let out a sharp burst of laughter. 

“Fuck, I just realised, I still don’t even know if you’re straight.” 

At that, Renee looked at her incredulously and then howled with laughter herself. 

“Seriously? Come on, Allison. If there were any lingering doubts, I hoped the kiss we shared on Halloween dispelled them. I would be seriously worried if a straight girl could kiss like that.” 

Allison grinned. “Mm, you make a fair point.” 

“But in the spirit of complete honesty: I am one hundred percent a lesbian.” 

Allison started in surprise. “Wait, really? But what about Moreau?” 

Renee did that surprised blink back at her again. She seemed to have mastered the gesture. 

“Jean is a dear friend. That is all. Our feelings for each other could not be more platonic. I wouldn’t normally tell anyone this without his explicit consent, but I think he wouldn’t mind me sharing it with you: Jean is as gay as I am.” 

Allison felt like she’d been punched in the gut, then exhaled sharply, letting out a breath she hadn’t realised she was holding. 

“Well, fuck. Now I feel like a complete idiot.” 

“Don’t. I know I haven’t exactly been open with my sexuality, either.” 

Allison sat up straighter. 

“I mean… why is that? You seem so confident and sure of yourself every time we’re together, while I’m the one floundering around like an idiot.” 

Renee sighed. 

“I’m sorry about that. The last person I meant to confuse was you. I guess I just always felt a bit like Andrew about the whole situation. I never deliberately hid the fact that I was a lesbian. If someone had asked me, I would have told them. But I didn’t feel the need to shout it from the rooftops, either. I’m a Fox - we’re private people.” 

Allison nodded. She could accept this answer. 

Renee grinned at her. “I didn’t know if you were straight either, not for the longest time. A deliberate strategy on your part, apparently. But every time I seemed to make the slightest progress with you, you would just push me harder away. I thought maybe you were disgusted by me flirting with you.” 

Allison detached her hands from Renee’s, and wrapped them carefully around her body instead, squeezing her tightly. 

“I am so, so sorry I ever made you feel that way. Your flirting only ever made me feel joy, excitement - and gay panic. But never disgust. Never at you.” 

Renee drew herself back, a serious expression on her face. 

“Does this mean you’ll finally agree to be my girlfriend?” 

Allison’s breath hitched, her pulse spiking erratically under her skin. She took a few moments to think through her answer, carefully. 

“It would be my greatest honour to be your girlfriend, Renee. It’s all that I want. But… I still don’t think I’m ready to share that with the world. Not even the other Foxes. If you would be comfortable with it, I would rather date you in secret - at least for now.” 

Allison waited nervously for Renee’s reply, time seeming to slow down as her world narrowed to the woman in front of her. 

“Okay,” Renee finally conceded. “Just for a little while, you can be my secret girlfriend. Now hurry up and kiss your girlfriend, Allison!” 

She had never been happier to comply with a request. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Girlfriends! Eek


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is blessed with beautiful art by DeyaAmaya

Returning to Palmetto after Thanksgiving was a rough transition. Their time in North Dakota had been a little bubble of fantasy, a hidden reality where they could be exclusively, genuinely, themselves. After making their relationship status official, they had spent the remainder of the weekend shyly learning what that meant. Allison wasn’t sure the butterflies in her stomach would ever stop swarming when she kissed her girlfriend (and didn’t think she would ever want to see the back of them), but at least Renee’s lips no longer felt like an unattainable blessing. A soft touch on her arm, a warm embrace - Allison couldn’t stop grinning when she thought about how easily these simple gestures had morphed from foreign to familiar. A source of comfort. 

They hadn’t slept together, or done anything beyond kissing, really. Allison was in no hurry. She had waited so long to be allowed into Renee’s orbit - to allow _herself _to be inside it. She planned to take her time enjoying every step along the way. Even if it was a kind of sweet torture to stop, to pull back and smile at her girlfriend when their kisses threatened to devolve into something neither of them was quite ready for. 

Being back at Fox Tower had rapidly burst their little bubble of romantic bliss. Allison was terrified of being outed, and Renee, it turned out, was very much not into public displays of affection. It all added up to a secret between them that only got fucking harder to maintain - but Allison was determined _not _to let it turn into a dirty object of shame. It was too important. So she stole her happiness where she could, carving out the moments when she could be with Renee. With her girlfriend. The novelty definitely still had not worn off on that reality. 

Wednesday afternoon saw them dismissed from class at the same time, a rare luxury. It was Renee’s idea to spend their free period working out. Allison grumbled about dating a glutton for punishment, but joined her in the weight room. They set up on the bench press, Renee helping Allison to fit the right amount of weights - just enough to challenge her, safely. Then Allison lay down, lifted her arms above her head to grab the weight bar - and stopped. From this angle, she had a glorious view of Renee. She lay there, happily staring up at the woman spotting her, drinking in her details. The rainbow ends of her hair where they draped over her upper arms. Her arms themselves, with their bulging goalkeeper muscles - 

“Focus, Allison.” Renee chided. 

“Impossible,” Allison responded, a little breathlessly. “You’re really fucking beautiful, you know that?” 

“Says the woman who could have been lifted right off the fashion magazine covers. Now come on, lift!” 

Allison grinned up at her girlfriend, this beautiful woman standing strong to support her, and obediently began pressing the weights. 

* * *

The next time they caught a private moment together, it was December. Allison bundled Renee into her car on Sunday afternoon and drove her to the downtown cinema. They bought tickets to a romantic Christmas movie, and settled down together in their seats, a big bucket of popcorn between them. The beauty of a dark theatre, Allison reflected happily as she pulled Renee more snugly under her arm and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, was that no one could see who they were or what they got up to. 

* * *

Dan announced the following Saturday that she was having a date night with Matt, and not to wait up. Nicky and Aaron were apparently spending the weekend with Andrew, Neil and Kevin in Columbia. 

Allison cheerily agreed with Dan that it would have been a criminal waste of an empty dormitory _not _to use it for sex. She ushered her captain out the door, making shooing motions with her hands and gleefully telling Dan to “get some” as Renee smirked from the couch. 

No sooner was the door closed behind her than Allison locked eyes with Renee and gave her a salacious wink. 

“Guess it’s just you and me, tonight, girlfriend.” 

Renee giggled, rising and walking over to the stereo system. A gentle melody wrapped around them both, enveloping them in a romantic atmosphere. 

“I was thinking we could do a beauty night,” Allison suggested. “I touch up the colour on your hair, you paint my nails. That kind of thing.” 

“Okay, first of all,” said Renee, walking up to Allison and placing her arms around her neck, “There is no way I am letting you touch my hair - we would be here for hours, and I can think of much better ways to spend our time together.” 

She leaned in and pressed her lips to Allison’s, swaying gently in time with the music. Allison was transported back to Halloween, and their first kiss. 

“...and second of all?” Allison dared to ask. 

“Shut up and kiss me, silly.” 

Allison smiled into her girlfriend’s mouth, revelling in this stolen moment of joint happiness. Time seemed to slow, and then ratchet up in sync with her heart-rate as Renee’s hands began to wander. When they slipped under the hem of her shirt, Allison’s breath caught. 

“Wh-what are you doing?” 

“Allison. I really, really like you. You’ve already told me you feel the same way.” 

She paused for a moment, the words hanging between them. Allison slowly nodded her agreement. 

“What I would really like to do... is be intimate with my girlfriend. If that’s alright with her, of course.” 

“Oh -” Allison couldn’t breathe, was scared to move a single muscle for fear of ruining this moment. 

“So?” Renee’s hands had paused their adventuring while she spoke, but they now resumed rubbing broad circles above her hipbones. “Is it alright with you?” 

The tension broke. 

“_Fuck_, yes!” Allison exclaimed, and nearly swallowed Renee’s mouth in her eagerness to chase down another kiss. 

It was sloppy, and rushed, and gentle, and perfect. Both of them were eager to please, and naturally competitive - a combination that resulted in considerable mutual pleasure. Allison could think of nothing but Renee, and by the time they were laying together on her bed, panting, dripping in sweat and deliriously happy, Allison didn’t believe she would ever want to think of anything else in her life, ever again. 

* * *

Allison didn’t want to be one of those women who lost their minds after sleeping with someone for the first time. She wasn’t some blushing virgin who was transformed on her wedding night. She had been in love before, god dammit. As for sex - she’d had plenty of it. 

Even so, she found all rational thought deserting her after that night with Renee. She wanted her - and what they’d shared - again. Immediately. Yet she couldn’t have her. Because of her own stupid rules and hang-ups. The forced distance between them was driving her nuts. 

Within a week, Allison was ready to throw caution to the winds. She cornered Renee in the girls’ locker-room before training one morning, when Dan was mercifully caught up in a conversation with Wymack. 

“I want to take you to the Winter Banquet. As my date.” 

Renee started to laugh, but cut herself off when she realised Allison was serious. 

“But... I thought you didn’t want to come out yet?” 

“Is that your only objection?” 

“Obviously.” Renee’s smile was warm. 

“I guess I’ve realised - just because I take you to a fancy party, it doesn’t have to mean anything. To anyone else, I mean. You went as Neil’s date last year and nobody thought there was anything romantic going on between you two.” 

“Ha, that’s true.” 

“So - come with me. Be my date. Dance with me. And we can be so nonchalant about it that people won’t even blink twice.” 

“Allison…” Renee sounded cautious. “It sounds wonderful, but are you really sure you’ve thought this through? It just takes one person to get the wrong idea - or rather, the right idea - and then rumours will be all over the Exy press.” 

Allison ground her teeth together. 

“Well, I guess if that happens, we can deal with it. Together.” 

Renee smiled wistfully at her, and took her hand. 

“I really hope you mean that. This isn’t really something you can get a second go at if you decide you’re not ready after all. And… this… us… this isn’t something I want to deny.” 

Allison closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths and composing herself. When she opened her eyes again, she felt calm, and sure. 

“I am one hundred percent certain that I want to spend this stupid fancy night with you in my arms. No, obviously I don’t want to be outed before I’m ready, but… you make me brave, Renee. I won’t deny us either. Not to anyone.” 

A beat passed, the two of them standing close, staring into each other’s eyes with hands tightly entwined, soft smiles mirrored between them. 

“Okay. You win! I would love to go to the Winter Banquet with you. As your date.” 

Allison grinned wildly back at her girlfriend. 

“Thank fuck for that! Come on, we better get out there before Wymack sends out a search party.” 

Allison picked up her Exy racquet and her helmet. Renee followed suit, and together they went to join the rest of their team. 


	11. Chapter Eleven

They didn’t announce to anybody that they were going together. They simply went. 

They were the first ones onto the Fox bus for the short trip to the airport, and they sat beside each other in one of the first rows. Their hands were clasped, but only loosely, and not in an obvious way. Kevin was next on and said nothing as he beelined for the back of the bus, and the freshmen were too caught up in their own nervous excitement to glance up as they wandered past. Neil, though - he paused briefly and smiled at Allison as he boarded, Andrew exchanging a nod with Renee as he followed closely behind. 

Allison tried not to let the shock show on her face as she suddenly realised that her friends were not publically ‘out’ yet, either. The Foxes had gotten so used to the idea of Andrew and Neil, bizarre couple though they were, that Allison had somehow forgotten that to the outside world, they were still nothing more than teammates. 

Allison turned to stare out the window, letting her vision blur. It was selfish to hope for - Renee would definitely be ashamed of her for thinking it - but, just maybe, the spotlight would fall on them tonight, instead. Who would care about a second-string goalkeeper and defensive dealer if the world found out that the superstars of the team were dating each other? Allison knew she was not a good person, but she couldn’t shake the fool’s hope that her troubles could be borne by someone else instead. 

* * *

With UT as the host school this year, it had been a tedious commute divided between planes and road. When they finally arrived in Austin, Allison was more than ready to freshen up and was relieved when the Foxes headed straight for the changerooms. She squeezed into a toilet cubicle behind Renee, hanging their garment bags on the outside of the door to save space. 

They had gone shopping together for the occasion just a few days ago. And while their chosen outfits were hardly a matched pair, they still managed to look like they belonged together; two variants on a set theme. 

Allison had helped Renee pick out her dress; she was even happier to help her slip into it now. Even though she knew what to expect, seeing the flattering way that Renee’s dress draped over her body, highlighting her cleavage, made Allison’s mouth go dry. 

“You’re truly gorgeous, you know that, right?” 

“Shut up and let me help you into your frilly monstrosity.” 

“Hey!” Allison protested, wounded. “It’s got bows, not frills.” 

“Same difference. All I know is it hugs your hips, is sexy as hell, and it will probably be a nightmare for me to get off you later.” 

Allison flushed from her neck to her waist, a tingle running down her spine. 

She silenced her girlfriend with a kiss and finished wriggling into her dress, which she matched with knee-high boots. 

“All right, lover. Let’s go face the Exy world.” 

They emerged from the toilet cubicle they had squeezed into together to find Dan standing frozen on the other side of the door. For a moment none of them moved, then she threw her hands up in the air and started backing away. 

“I didn’t hear anything! I swear. I’ll just… I’ll go away now, and we can all carry on with our night like nothing happened.” 

Poor Dan. She looked horrified at having stumbled across them without permission. Allison exchanged a glance with Renee, and decided to take pity on her captain. 

“It’s okay, Dan. We were going to tell you guys soon, anyway.” 

“We were?” Renee asked, surprised, at the same time as Dan tried for a nonchalant, “Tell me what?” 

Allison rolled her eyes. 

“Renee and I are together. We’re dating. We have been for a few weeks now.” 

It felt… incredible to say the words out loud. Suddenly, she didn’t know why she had waited so long to do it. Renee was an incredible person, and she was so unbelievably proud to be her girlfriend. 

Allison grabbed Renee’s hand and clasped it tightly beside her, daring Dan to say something. 

She didn’t. 

Instead, she let out a little squeal and dashed forward, enveloping Allison and Renee in a ridiculous bear hug. 

“I’m so happy for you guys! This is so great. Does anyone else know? Are you planning to come out tonight?” 

Allison choked, but Renee, angel that she was, came to her rescue. 

“Nobody else knows. We’re not planning on any bold statements tonight, either. We just want to dance together and enjoy each other’s company. People can reach whatever conclusions they like about that.” 

Dan pulled back, looked at them both carefully, then smiled again. 

“You guys are going to do just fine. Oh my god - wait until I tell Matt! He’s going to flip out. He might just insist on cooking you a mountain of pancakes or something equally ridiculous and charming.” 

“You’re right, he probably will flip out,” Allison considered. “But let’s wait and see if he figures it out on his own, okay?” 

“Okay, yeah, sure. Whatever you guys want. As long as you know that your Foxes will have your back no matter what.” 

Allison squeezed Renee’s hand, and smiled at her oldest friend. 

“We know.” 

* * *

The Foxes made their entrance as a united group. All eyes immediately fell on them as they made their way to their table. Allison thought they had dealt with the worst of it last year, but with the Ravens’ fall from grace and the Foxes firmly installed as reigning champions, an unavoidable level of notoriety still surrounded the Foxes wherever they went in the Exy world. 

Once again, Allison was thankful to be a lesser-known member of the team. Normally she loved the spotlight, but tonight she was grateful that Kevin, Andrew and Neil would collectively hold the room’s attention, giving her that extra layer of anonymity to spend time with her girlfriend. The three men stuck close to each other as they walked confidently across the room, and Allison was impressed at how well Andrew and Neil hid their relationship from the world. She could honestly see no difference in the way that they interacted with each other since arriving in Texas, compared to how they were with Kevin. 

Allison tried to take inspiration from their subtlety. 

Without the Moriyamas around to cause trouble, the banquet passed by in the ordinary way that events like this were supposed to go. Polite conversation was exchanged between teams and players who usually beat the shit out of each other on the court. Entrees were served (a steaming vegetable soup that seeped into Allison’s soul, warming her bones from the inside); alcohol was consumed; awkward chatter descended into raucous laughter and suddenly everything seemed brighter. 

By the time mains were cleared, plates scraped clean, Allison was feeling peaceful and completely at ease. When the lights were lowered and the music volume raised, it seemed the most natural thing in the world to take her girlfriend’s hand. 

“Come on,” she urged, a gentle smile on her face. “My turn to invite you to dance.” 

Renee held her gaze, and Allison could tell exactly which questions she was silently being asked. She leaned forward to whisper quietly, unable to resist tucking a strand of Renee’s hair behind her ear. 

“Yes, I’ve thought about all the possible repercussions. Let’s do it anyway.” 

Renee stood, her long, [black gown draping elegantly over her figure](https://www.zimmermannwear.com/espionage-bow-dress-black.html). It was an understated piece, a simple design that contrasted beautifully with the rainbow that was her hair. A pair of bows on the shoulders and a long slit up her thigh were the only highlights. Allison took a moment to admire the picture before her, then grinned and playfully dragged Renee out onto the dance floor. 

They were far from the first ones out there, and they blended in well with the crowd. The music was fast and boppy, a pop hit from a decade ago that everyone still knew all the words to. Allison caught more than one pair of eyes on her, and frankly didn’t blame them. She knew that she had slayed with [her choice of dress tonight](https://www.zimmermannwear.com/ready-to-wear/clothing/dresses/sabotage-bow-mini-nude.html) \- a nude, skintight number that stopped just below her hips, with long sleeves and bows covering every inch of it. The neck was high but her shoulders were bare, and the overall impression was a gift waiting to be unwrapped. She had paired it with some killer knee-high boots, and Renee was definitely not the only one who appreciated the look. 

More than one dudebro had tried to cut in on her dance with her girlfriend, which she supposed was a good sign of how straight-passing they appeared tonight. Even though this was exactly what she wanted, for some reason it still bothered her enough to set her slightly on edge. A fourth sensual male voice whispering into her ear over her shoulder made her temper flare. 

“No, you may _not _have this dance, can’t you see I’m taken- oh!” She had whirled on her interruptor in a huff, but now she flushed and laughed. “Hi, Matt.” 

He grinned at the two of them mischievously, Dan hanging off his arm. “Hellooo, ladies. Looking fierce and fabulous tonight.” 

“So, just the usual then?” Renee quipped. 

Allison still felt off-balance and flustered. Her emotions had fluctuated from high to low and relaxed to tense too quickly for her to feel in any kind of control. Dan’s knowing smirk didn’t help matters. Allison’s jaw dropped. 

“You told him!” she yelled accusingly. 

“Told me what?” Matt asked, adopting the face of the innocent. 

“That I’m - that’ we’re - I mean…” Allison stopped, completely off-kilter and red from temple to toe. She turned to look for Renee, her rock that she could hold onto while she braved these stormy seas. She found exactly what she needed in her eyes - in the gentle smile full of certainty that accompanied them. 

The lights were still low, the crowd thick around them, the music a steady backdrop. Allison took a deep breath, and turned back to her oldest friends. 

“I should have told you this a long time ago, and I hope you understand why I wasn’t ready to. I’m bisexual.” 

A beat passed, then two. Neither Matt nor Dan said anything, but they were smiling, which she chose to interpret as encouragement. She turned and took her girlfriend’s hand, squeezing it tightly. 

“Also, Renee and I are dating now. As of a couple of weeks ago.” 

“That’s kind of interesting, I guess. I still want my dance though. You can’t wear a dress like THAT and not let me show off my good friend on my arm.” 

Matt had a shit-eating grin on his face, which kind of made her want to punch him in the gut, but Allison was glad for it. She let out the breath she’d been holding. 

“Fine, fine. We can all dance together.” 

And suddenly, there they were. All of them. Her original Foxes. Allison hadn’t seen them come up, but they were all milling around them, some dancing happily and others simply there. Even Andrew was a strong presence at Neil’s shoulder, a tiny fierce barrier between Renee and the rest of the crowd. 

Allison threw her arms around whichever Foxes she could reach, Renee a fixed point in her peripheral vision, and lost herself in the music until the lights went up for dessert. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Progress! Yay for good friends. Coming out is _hard_, you guys.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Allison couldn’t focus during the speeches that accompanied dessert. The alcohol she had drunk earlier was settling in her gut and mixing with the sugary goodness she was currently indulging in. The heady relief she felt at finally coming out to her Foxes didn’t help her state of intoxication. Happiness was a potent drug. At one point, Renee had picked up a strawberry off her plate and locked eyes with Allison while slowly nibbling on it with her lips. It had been practically pornographic and Allison’s mind was still replaying it on loop. 

A commotion nearby interrupted her reverie - and whoever was droning on at the mic cut off mid-sentence. 

It took a few moments for her to understand the words being yelled around her. To process them for the slurs they were. 

“What the hell is this all about?” Wymack was up from his seat and storming into the thick of the action. 

Feeling more awake every moment, Allison glanced around to make sure her family were all accounted for. A sinking feeling in her gut accompanied the realisation that Andrew and Neil were missing from their seats. Remembering her selfish thoughts earlier that day, she started frantically back-pedalling in her mind, apologising and bargaining with the rainbow gods to let her friends be okay. 

She didn’t know what had happened, but it didn’t sound like anything good. 

A large crowd had gathered near the door, with many teams leaving their tables to get a closer look. Allison couldn’t see anything herself, but a loud voice suddenly screeched, “Is that _BLOOD?_” and pandemonium erupted. 

It took a while for security and the coaching staff to restore some semblance of order. When most people had returned to their tables and the crowd had thinned enough for Allison to be able to see the small group that remained near the door, she felt sick. 

Wymack was there, Abby beside him, leaning over Andrew. Neil was hovering anxiously at their side, shooting death glares at a jock she didn’t recognise who was on his arse a few metres away from them. The dudebro was clutching his arm, which was clearly bleeding from what looked like a knife wound. Allison couldn't bring herself to muster a single shred of sympathy for him, though. Not when he still hadn’t shut his mouth, yelling his ugly words across the room for all to hear. Each one was a drop of poison into her belly, threatening to bring her dinner back up. 

It wasn’t hard to piece together what had happened, now. 

Apparently Andrew and Neil weren’t quite as good at repressing their feelings in public as she had thought. They must have snuck off into some dark corner or bathroom together. The homophobic wanker on the floor had probably walked in at the wrong moment and seen more than his tiny brain could handle. He must have started throwing punches before the boys even realised he was there. Allison could just make out the start of a black eye blossoming on Neil’s face, and Andrew had evidently fared worse before he managed to get to his knives. 

The tension at the Foxes’ table was palpable. She could feel Matt seething beside her, Dan’s restraining hand on his thigh the only thing stopping him from sprinting across the room and finishing the guy off. Dan’s face, though, was nothing but steely outrage. Aaron’s eyes promised death to the lowlife who somehow _still _hadn’t stopped spewing his vitriol to the shell-shocked room. And Renee had gripped her hand so tightly between their seats that her knuckles had turned white. 

There were whispers flying all over the room now. The same words, repeated over and over, in tones ranging from disbelief to outrage to reverence to ridicule to joy. But all of them boiling down to, “Gay”. 

And then the cameras started flashing. 

It was what she had feared. Her worst nightmares coming to life. The Exy world, discovering its gay underbelly at last. But it was all wrong. Instead of a humiliation for her, it was happening to her friends. To her family. And she couldn’t let it continue. She couldn’t. It was time to wake up. 

Allison felt herself rising from the table as if she were somebody else. She drew herself up to her full height, hand still clasped tightly in Renee’s. She was grateful for every inch of heel on her boots, and every frill of her dress. She had always used clothes as armour to hide behind. Now it would be her symbol of power. Her makeup, she had always thought of as warpaint. She drew courage from it now, as eyes began turning to her and she braced herself for the battle of her life. 

* * *

“Everybody, just shut the fuck up!” 

Her voice rang out clear and strong to every corner of the large room. 

And to her surprise, the fuckers did. 

She took a beat to breathe deeply and squeeze Renee’s hand again, then continued. 

“There have been a lot of disgusting words thrown around this room in the last few minutes. Words, and attitudes, which a sport like ours should have absolutely no place for.” 

She paused, taking the time to make eye contact with people at every table around the room. Jeremy Knox, sitting with the other Trojans, looked like someone had doused the sun. Even so, he smiled grimly at her, and she was encouraged. 

“LGBTQIA+ people are a part of our community. They are also a big part of our sport, whether you choose to see them or not. Often, they’re hiding in plain sight.” 

She looked down to where Renee was still seated beside her, a wild, dangerous glint in her eyes. She felt that look pierce her soul, let it imbue her armour with its strength. When she was ready, when she felt charged to the brim with the power of certainty, she faced the room again. 

“It’s not my place to name the many stars of our game who identify as part of the rainbow community. What I can tell you, is this: my name is Allison Reynolds. Most of you should remember me as the defensive dealer for the Palmetto Foxes. Some of you might know me as that spoilt heiress whose parents disowned her for choosing to play Exy. What you won’t know - what my parents did such a great job at teaching me to hide - is that I’m bisexual.” 

Utter silence around the room. A fork clattered against a plate and the sound echoed, amplified by the quiet. 

“I am bisexual, and I have recently found the courage to start dating the most incredible woman. It took courage, not because of anything about her, but because I was terrified of a reaction exactly like the one that Neil and Andrew have faced tonight. Dating is hard enough without feeling like the entire reputation of your team or your sport rides on your decisions.” 

A few half-hearted chuckles sounded throughout the room. 

“So, I would ask you all to reconsider your hateful words and think about the real people at the receiving end of those slurs. Athletes whose sporting ability has absolutely no correlation to the people they happen to love. And ordinary people, who might not play sport at all, but are just trying to get on with their lives in a hostile world.” 

Allison looked around at all the faces surrounding her one last time. 

“That’s it. That’s all I had to say. Queer people are all around you, and it’s time you accepted us. Thank you for your attention.” 

Renee stood up and hugged her tightly, holding the embrace for longer than she ordinarily would. Allison buried her face in her girlfriend’s shoulder, blocking out the world. She couldn’t believe what she had just done. Her life was basically over now. She had signed away her privacy. 

She heard the sound of chairs scraping from across the room, and assumed the banquet was breaking up. To her surprise, someone else began to speak. 

“My name is Jeremy Knox, and I’m captain and striker for the Trojans. I’m also bisexual.” 

Allison half-sobbed, half-giggled into Renee’s shoulder. Her head jerked up in surprise though when the next voice spoke. 

“My name is Jean Moreau, formerly of the Ravens, now of the Trojans. I am a gay man.” 

The next voice came from behind her, and she had to swivel to see the speaker. 

“My name is Nicky Hemmick, backliner for the Foxes, and I’m as gay as rainbows, darlings.” 

Nicky winked at her from where he stood at the other end of their table. Allison gave him a watery smile in return. 

More chairs scraped at the Trojans’ table. Alvarez had her arm draped confidently around her girlfriend as she introduced them. “I’m Alvarez and this is my beautiful girlfriend Laila Dermott. You might know her as the goalkeeper who stops all your shots. We’re also massive lesbians.” 

It continued like this, on and on. Chairs scraped and players stood up from every single table around the room. Gays, lesbians, and of course, bisexuals. Trans men, trans women, intersex, non-binary and gender non-conforming folks. Asexuals, graysexuals and every part of the romance spectrum. Every letter of the acronym was represented. At every table, mouths that had spewed hate just minutes earlier now hung open in disbelief, as people were forced to reassess their understanding of their teammates. The wave of solidarity had shifted the mood of the room completely. 

Allison was crying properly now, letting the tears smear the paint on her cheeks and cleanse the tension from her body. She had never expected this kind of response from her friends, let alone from strangers. It was beautiful. She turned to look for the group by the door, and was surprised to find Andrew once again on his feet, hand firmly clasped in Neil’s. He was glaring death around the room. 

Neil cleared his throat. 

“My name is Neil Josten. You should know me as the vice-captain of the Palmetto State Foxes, and future striker for the National Court.” 

Neil smirked. 

“You might also remember me as the runaway son of one of this country’s most vicious mobsters.” 

He paused, revelling in the uncomfortable murmur that rippled around the room. 

“Earlier tonight, that pathetic waste of space” - he gestured at the jock who was still on his arse, having his arm strapped up by Abby - “walked in on me kissing my boyfriend. You might know him. Andrew Minyard, the goalkeeper who saved 137 out of 150 shots on goal the first time the Foxes played the Ravens last year.” 

The murmurs grew louder and more urgent. 

“Yes, the loser was right about that much. Andrew is gay, I am demisexual, and we are dating. But I think what a quick glance around this room tonight shows us, is that if you can’t handle two men kissing in this day and age, then you’re very much playing in the wrong sport. Pick your pathetic arse up off the floor and get your prehistoric bigotry out of here.” 

This last was directed at the jock on the floor. Andrew had narrowed his focus to the same target. 

“_Never _touch what is mine again if you want to live.” 

A cheer went up from around the room as the object of Andrew’s wrath scrambled to his feet and bolted out the door. Allison didn’t know his name or which school he played for, and she was glad to keep it that way. 

His exit seemed the signal for the rest of the party to break up. Conversations broke out throughout the room. Those who weren’t already on their feet stood up. Some people milled around, looking uncomfortable, but others ran straight for their teammates and gave them high-fives or massive hugs. The speaker never bothered to finish his abandoned speech. 

Allison wiped her face as well as she could with her napkin, and grinned fiercely at the Foxes around her. 

“So that was fun and all, but let’s get the fuck out of here.” 

“Hell yes!” they echoed back to her. 

They left as they had arrived: as a group. They picked up Andrew, Neil, Wymack and Abby at the door, and marched to the bus together. A family, united. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have cried writing this one. I hope you all enjoy it. Just a short epilogue to go now!


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The phenomenal art in this chapter is by Ttamiao.

It was a sunny May morning. _The last morning_, Allison reflected as she yawned and stretched, _that she would ever spend at Palmetto_. The thought did not fill her with fear. Instead, she smiled, leaned down to kiss her girlfriend’s temple, and hopped out of bed. Crossing to the window, she threw the curtains open. The sun was shining brightly. 

“Good morning,” Renee called to her. 

“Morning, love!” she sang back. 

“Urgh, guess I’m awake now,” grumbled Dan. 

Allison giggled and launched herself at her no-longer-captain’s bed. 

“Come on, guys! Get up, get up, there are worlds to conquer. And universities to graduate from. You know, all that fun stuff.” 

A knock sounded from the hallway. 

“That’ll be Neil! Come on, we’re heading out for a run. You guys should join us! We can make it a family affair.” 

Dan grumbled some more, but was up and changed into running shoes within minutes. Allison’s enthusiasm this morning was infectious. 

_I made it_, she kept thinking. _I made it to graduation with no regrets._

* * *

The ceremony itself was a snooze-fest. Palmetto was a large university and their graduating class was enormous. Allison hated that they were seated alphabetically, but at least she could see Renee and Dan sitting quite close together. She turned to scan the crowd and spotted Matt bawling his eyes out in the front row of guests. 

Next to him, Neil met her gaze. His smile was partly that old smile he used to wear sometimes - the one he had inherited from the Butcher. His look said everything - fierce determination, pride in how far she’d come, and love for every part of her. Allison drew in a ragged breath. She didn’t deserve her friends. She grinned wildly back at him and turned back to face the front. 

Before long, her name had been called. Then Renee’s, then Dan’s. They each made the slow walk across the stage, shook the Dean’s hand, received their diplomas and smiled for the camera. 

And just like that, it was over. 

People were screaming. Graduation caps were thrown in the air. Allison found her people and squeezed Dan in a quick bear-hug before Matt knocked her aside. 

After that, she turned to Renee. She had eyes for no one but her girlfriend as she closed the distance between them. She grabbed her and pulled her close, one hand on her back and the other cupping her face. 

“We made it,” she whispered gently. 

“We sure did,” Renee responded, just as quietly. 

And out there on the lawn, in full view of the entire student body and faculty, Allison Reynolds kissed her girlfriend silly. It might have been the best day of her life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did it! Thanks to those of you who stuck with me through the massive hiatus in the middle. It's been a joy bringing you this work and adding to the stocks of Renison content.
> 
> Thanks again to DeyaAmaya and to Ttamiao, whose gorgeous art helped bring this fic to life. Please go shower them with love on their Tumblrs!
> 
> Comments are my lifeblood and I welcome any kind of feedback. Feel free to message me @curvedyellowfruit on Tumblr or @fruitcurved on Twitter.
> 
> P.S. "Get up, get up, there are worlds to conquer" is a quote from V.E. Schwab.


End file.
